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Angel With A Dirty Face

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Thursday, June 4th, 2015
10:52 pm

"True love cannot be found where it truly doesn't exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld



current mood: found
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2015
1:09 am - Didn't we? did we? should we? could we?
Wise men say
It looks like rain today
It crackled on the speakers
And trickled down the sleepy subway trains
For heavy eyes could hardly hold us
Aching legs that often told us
It's all worth it
We all fall in love sometimes

The full moon's bright
And starlight filled the evening
We wrote it and I played it
But something happened it's so strange this feeling
Naive notions that were childish
Simple tunes that tried to hide it
But when it comes
We all fall in love sometimes

Didn't we? did we? should we? could we?
I'm not sure but sometimes we're so blind
Struggling through the day
When even your best friends say
Don't you find?
We all fall in love sometimes

hmmm...

Oh, yeah..
And only passing time
Could kill the boredom we acquired
Running with the losers for a while
And our empty sky was filled with laughter
Just before the flood
Painting worried faces with a smile

Wise men say
It looks like rain today
It crackled on the speakers
And trickled down the sleepy subway trains
For heavy eyes could hardly hold us
Aching legs that often told us
It's all worth it
We all fall in love sometimes

oh oh oh...

We all fall in love some times...

current mood: twitterpated
Tuesday, March 10th, 2015
12:06 am - There's no telling how long I'll be here...

I am not what you want
There's no telling how long
I am not what you want
There's no telling how long I'll be here

I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want
There's no telling how long

I've checked
I've checked to find
I've checked
I've checked to find

I am not for you one
There's no telling how long
Go, figure that out
Figure that out

I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want

I've checked
I've checked to find

I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want
I am not what you want

There's no telling how long I'll be here
I am not what you want
There's no eyes in your own head

I'll check
I'll check tonight

I am not what you want
There's no telling how long I'll be here
I am not what you want
There's no eyes in your head, in your head

At least I cannot see them
In your head
I'm not what you want
I'll get nothing, nothing, nothing tonight

I'm not what you want
There's no telling how long I'll be here
Be here
At least I cannot see them



current mood: fooled
Friday, February 6th, 2015
11:29 pm - Shoot me to the ground....
See her come down, through the clouds
I feel like a fool
I aint got nothing left to give
Nothing to lose

So come on Love, draw your swords
Shoot me to the ground
You are mine, I am yours
Lets not fuck around

Cause you are, the only one
Cause you are, the only one

I see them snakes come through the ground
They choke me to the bone
They tie me to their wooden chair
Here are all my songs

So come on Love, draw your swords
Shoot me to the ground
You are mine, I am yours
Lets not fuck around

Cause you are, the only one
Cause you are, the only one

The only

Cause you are, the only one
Cause you are, the only one

The only one
The only one
The only one
The only one

So come on Love, draw your swords
Shoot me to the ground
You are mine, I am yours
Lets not fuck around

The only



current mood: ambivalent
Friday, November 21st, 2014
10:55 pm - Keepsake
One gonna heal my body, another gonna heal my pain
One gonna settle me down then bring me back up again
I'm gonna put my family back together again

One gonna hold my woman, another gonna hold my job
One gonna help me get up, another gonna help me stop
One gonna help me talk right, one gonna lay me down to sleep



One gonna hold my thoughts and another gonna hold my bones
One gonna keep me warm and another gonna keep me cold
One gonna bring religion, right from a Coleman stove

One gonna help me keep, and another gonna help me take.
One gonna run me down, a hail of bullets in my wake.
You're gonna keep my soul it was yours to have long ago



I'm gonna buckle my belt around the ceiling pipe
I'm gonna buckle my knees and I'm gonna lock em up tight
I'm gonna hold a pen while you drag my arm across the page

One gonna hold my memories, another gonna close the door
One gonna leave me restless, another wanting more
You're gonna keep my soul it was yours to have long ago

current mood: lost
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014
1:20 am - Out in that deep blue sea....
"You know, when you have kids- if you have kids- there's something you should know. Very confusing thing they don't tell you. You see so much of yourself in them. You see your ironic take on the world, you see your smile, your walk, your sense of humor...whatever. And you think ... they're you. But they're not you. And they shouldn't have all of your baggage, your fear and your insecurity and your life experience, because that's not fair. They have their own. Your song is beautiful. It's haunting and moving and... it's so you... I'm so proud and I'm so impressed and I'm so in awe of you. And I want you to just go out there and fly. You can fly."

current mood: incomplete
Sunday, June 29th, 2014
2:05 am - I guess it's gone...
An image from a long, long time ago
Is haunting me, it plays itself
With picture perfect clarity
A certain walk, a certain talk
Forever twenty-three
For only me to see

I watch it like a movie
The details so consume me
What's real will surface when it's gone
(And then it's gone)

By now you've heard the news
What is there left to do

I watch it like a movie
The details so consume me
What's real will surface when it's gone
(and then it's gone)

Your face looks so familiar
Unwashed and quite peculiar
No I can't say that I recall
I guess it's gone

current mood: reaching
1:56 am - Unrequited
the cells of this body
have all lost their memory
confused by each other
to work out of order
and i hate that they require
the need to be together
how could they go wrong
this terrible anatomy
will surely get the best of me
maybe they'd grow in someone else
we head back to your place
it's not such a nice place
i'm still a little nervous
i thought that you would notice
and i hate that this requires
for us to be together
maybe i was wrong
a simple little strategy
to get rid of all that's wrong with me
maybe they'd grow in someone else
watch as they grow in someone else

current mood: stubborn
Friday, June 13th, 2014
11:49 pm - All flowers in time bend towards the sun....
my eyes are
a baptism
oh i am filth
and sing her
into my thoughts
oh phantom elusive thing oh,

all flowers in time bend towards the sun
i know you say that there's no-one for you
but here is one,
all flowers in time bend towards the sun
i know you say that there's no-one for you
but here is one, here is one... here is one

aah, ooh
one that can never be known
either all drunk with the world at her feet
or sober with no place to go

all flowers in time bend towards the sun
i know you say that there's no-one for you
but here is one,
all flowers in time bend towards the sun
i know you say that there's no-one for you
but here is one, here is one... here is one

aah, ooh...
we could go (......)
we can travel round
fading farther from me
with your face in my window call

when will you weep for me
sweet willow

it's ok to be angry
but not to hurt me
your happiness, yes, yes, yes
darling, darling,
oooh...

all flowers in time bend towards the sun
i know you say that there's no-one for you
but here is one,
all flowers in time bend towards the sun
i know you say that there's no-one for you
but here is one, here is one... here is one

current mood: like honey
Sunday, June 1st, 2014
1:43 am - Heartbeats
One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise paid
Four hands and then away

Both under influence
We had a divine sense
To know what to say
Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colors red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

And you, you knew the hand of the devil
And you, kept us awake with wolves teeth
Sharing different heartbeats
In one night

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

current mood: impatient
Thursday, May 15th, 2014
8:57 pm - Hear a song, hear a song...
When you wake up sun will shine.

We will not go under any cloud.

Let balloons go up in town,

ring out every bell.

Happy birthday, beautiful,

all the birds of this day

sing a song, sing a song.



Dream of trains carrying you

through the state parks with the cherry flowers.

When you wake up it will be

the beginning of the world.

Happy birthday, beautiful,

in the fields of this day

hear a song, hear a song.



Oh, undeserved sweetness and light,

stay by my side.

We will go out in the morning now,

a crown of maple leaves, a crown of flowers

circling your sweet head.

Happy birthday, beautiful,

in the streets of this day

play a song, play a song.

current mood: remembering
Friday, May 2nd, 2014
10:18 pm - False Start
On a point in time.
Present undefined

And its getting cold outside
Situations statical.
For reasons you don't know

Just short of indecision
And its getting cold outside
And its getting cold outside
For your own trepidation
Refer to new perspection
See yourself as others see you
In reverse red cannot appear blue
Wanna go outside
Don't you wanna go outside
Been stuck inside your room
So stranded like and full of doom
All year
Time out for good behavior
Adds up to what you want it to
What you wanna
What you wanna do
What informs a motivation
Casual or obligation.
Fictitious circumstance

Suspending all your future plans
Wait for you outside
If this false started motion
Believes its own propulsion
Transcending space and time,
Then I'll wait for you outside
Then I'll wait for you outside
Been so long since I've seen you
So much has changed, you sound the same
We're meeting at this place I wanna see you
See your face again
We're all waiting
We're all waiting here

current mood: here
Saturday, April 12th, 2014
2:47 am - Aloha
I have been floating
away
My arms arms are getting tired
underneath
I don't want to leave
Not for all the gold in the
sea

Good bye
Good bye
Likkle more

current mood: marooned
2:43 am - I wish I was...

Are you mine?
Are you my baby?
I have no mind
For nothing but love.

Are you mine?
Have you seen me lately?
I have no time.
I have no time.

Let me go
Where there's no
Memory of you
Where everything is new
And nothing is true

I have no time.
I have no time.

Let me go
Where there's no
Memory of you
Where everything is new
And nothing is true

Are you mine?
Are you my baby?
I have no time
For nothing but love.



current mood: drifting
Saturday, March 29th, 2014
6:35 am
Life is boring.
Friday, March 21st, 2014
9:51 pm - worn path....
I vow that it's goodbye and God bless
Why did we have to assume we're exactly the same?
Oh no, talking about yourself

I vow that it's goodbye to the old ways
Those stories were a good read
They were dumb as well
I could never be seen
Falling down on my knees crawling
Oh no, talk about a sell

Oh as the heavens shudder baby
I belong to you
Oh they said you get what you deserve and all they said was true

So is this what it's come to?
Am I cold or just a little bit warm?
Oh well
Give me an easy life and a peaceful death

current mood: impatient
Thursday, March 20th, 2014
9:11 pm - I can't keep focused on anything...
Travelling swallowing Dramamine
Feeling spaced breathing out listerine
I'd said what I'd said that I'd tell ya
And that you'd killed the better part of me
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what I'd said and you know what I mean
But I still can't focus on anything
We kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves
Travelling swallowing dramamine
Look at your face like you're killed in a dream
And you think you've figured out everything
I think I know my geography pretty damn well
You say what you need so you'll get more
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what I said and you know what I mean
But I can't still focus on anything


current mood: incomplete
Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
8:29 pm - Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders...

Change your heart, look around you
Change your heart, it will astound you
I need your loving like the sunshine

And everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime

Change your heart, look around you
Change your heart, it will astound you
I need your loving like the sunshine

And everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime

I need your loving
I need your loving

Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
And everybody's gotta learn sometime

Everybody's gotta learn sometime
(I need your loving)
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
(I need your loving)
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime


"Come back and make up a goodbye, at least. Let's pretend we had one."



current mood: erased
Monday, January 27th, 2014
9:21 pm - You were out of my league...
I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Down to the bottom

I wanted a junction and often there was one
You'd surface face first and we'd share our thought bubbles
And I still believe in the phrases that we breathed
But I know the distance isn't fair to cross

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer

Your depths made a pressure that punctured my works and all your fluids couldn't tolerate the force of my thirst
I love the place where we shared our tiny grace
But just because it's real don't mean it's gonna work

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer

And true affection floats
True affections sinks like a stone
I never felt so close
I never felt so all alone

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer

current mood: Buoyant
Monday, December 30th, 2013
7:07 pm - So I'll take two of what you're having and I'll take all of what you got...
I got green and I got blues
and everyday there's a little less difference between the two.
So I belly-up and disappear.
Well I ain't really drowning 'cause I see the beach from here.

I could take a Greyhound home but when I got there it'd be gone
along with everything a home is made up of.
So I'll take two of what you're having and I'll take all of what you got
to kill this goddamn lonely, goddamn lonely love.

Sister, listen to what your daddy says.
Don't be ashamed of things that hide behind your dress.
Belly-up and arch your back.
Well I ain't really falling asleep; I'm fading to black.

You could come to me by plane, but that wouldn't be the same
as that old motel room in Texarkana was.
So I'll take two of what you're having and I'll take all of what you got
to kill this goddamn lonely, goddamn lonely love.

Stop me if you've heard this one before:
A man walks into a bar and leaves before his ashes hit the floor.
Stop me if I ever get that far.
The sun's a desperate star that burns like every single one before.

And I could find another dream,
one that keeps me warm and clean
but I ain't dreamin' anymore, I'm waking up.
So I'll take two of what you're having and I'll take everything you got
to kill this goddamn lonely, goddamn lonely love


current mood: here
Monday, November 25th, 2013
10:32 pm - Put another candle on my birthday cake...
Happy birthday to me. Actually, today was just like any other day- except for when Pandy stopped by my work to bring me a present (Doctor Who jammies and shirt! Have I mentioned how awesome my kid is??). I went to work all day, came home and fought with my internet (it's been trying really hard to not work lately), and now I'm posting this and going to bed so I can wake up and go back to work tomorrow. All in all, being 34 is just like being 33, only... you know... closer to not being able to wipe my own ass or remembering who people are. I plan on seeing some friends this weekend to make up for my lack of doing anything to celebrate today. So yeah. 34. Sheeeeeeeeesh! 

current mood: sleepy
Sunday, November 17th, 2013
1:10 pm - Happy Birthday, Jeff Buckley....
I currently have this album spinning on my record player while I enjoy this beautiful November day. Jeff Buckley is one of my all time favorite musicians. His music has helped, and continues to help, me through tough times. I will never forget visiting the place of his death a few years ago. So hallowed, so peaceful. Here's to you, Jeff. Thanks for sharing your soul with us.  

http://youtu.be/lY5JFUtuROU

current mood: nostalgic
Saturday, November 16th, 2013
12:15 am - The hopeful pessimist...
I hope that I find what I'm reaching for
The way that it is in my mind
I hope that I won't be that wrong anymore
and maybe to have learned this time

Someday I'll get over you
I'll live to see it all through
But I'll always miss
Dreaming my dreams with you

But I won't let it change me, not if I can
I'd rather believe in love
and give it away as much as I can
To those that I am fondest of

Someday I'll get over you
I'll live to see it all through
But I'll always miss
Dreaming my dreams with you

Someday I'll get over you
I'll miss dreaming with you
Someday I'll get over you
I'll miss dreaming with you
Someday...

current mood: Nostalgic
Saturday, November 9th, 2013
12:41 am - Some Jingle Jangle Morning (When I'm Straight)
Song about a sun beam, song about a girl
Your voice still rings and echoes in my mind
So many words unspoken, so many worlds apart
Your memory is all you left behind
Somewhere it all got crazy and now it's like a dream
And I knew that I blew it from the start
I was too freaked out to deal with it all
And too fucked up to care
I stood right there and watched it fall apart

Now LSD and Ecstasy don't help me
And my dance with Mr. Brownstone got too rough
Will you wake me without warning some jingle-jangle morning
We'll fly away to heaven on a star

Cause I love to watch you walk
And I love to hear you talk
But there's nothing I can say
To make you feel the same way

Now my friends are all I have now
But they're so far away
They all moved out of Seattle and back to L.A.

They ask me how I'm doing
And I ask them if they've seen you
But no one sees much of anyone these days

Now LSD and Ecstasy don't help me
And my dance with Mr. Brownstone got too rough
Will you wake me without warning some jingle-jangle morning
We'll fly away to heaven on a star

Cause I love to watch you walk and I love to hear you talk
But there's nothing I can say
To make you feel the same way
the same way

current mood: Time Traveling
Saturday, October 26th, 2013
12:25 am - I'm not going to share the stars with you...
Well if you're leaving anyway
I'm not going to share the stars with you
and if you're watching what you say
you can't tell me your words are true

don't follow me home
if its not going to be your home too
so if you're leaving anyway
leave now so I can cry for you

when you called me
I couldn't decide on which highway
oh when i cried did i say you were my favorite
sometimes I say i wish the rain would wash the road away

oh well that time
did i say you were my favorite one?

well if you're leaving anyway
I'm not going to buy you roses
and watch the tide wash them away
while I stand practicing tough poses to cover my pain

and I'm feeling lonelier than shame
so if you're leaving anyway
please, just leave now and never call again

when you called me
i couldn't decide on which highway
All of my crimes. Did i say you were my favorite?

sometimes i say well i wish the rain washed the road away
oh, that time did i say you were my favorite one?

current mood: spaced
Saturday, October 12th, 2013
1:05 am - Small
If I remember the night that we met
Tasted a wine that I'll never forget
Opened the doorway and saw through the light
Motions of movement and I felt delight

She spoke of freedom, "A way in," she said
"A wisdom that took me away from the bed"
Spoke of the glory that we had become
I felt forgiven in all I've become

Small, tasteless, and forgot
Hoping to see, blinded like me
You tried to understand, but you're just a man
Open to scorn just like me

Failure again
Tried to pretend
Who you were then
Who you are now

Hating the lord
Hating the lord
Hating the lord
Hating the lord

Small, tasteless, and forgot
Hoping to see, blinded like me
You tried to understand, but you're just a man
Open to scorn just like me

Failure again
Tried to pretend
Who you were then
Who you are now

Hating the lord
Hating the lord
Hating the lord
Hating the lord

current mood: minuscule
Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
11:25 pm - Off You
I've laid this island sun a thousand times
I'm on it
But I'm going strange
This island's chills and shell cover me
With winded rock
And skies I've yet to see
I tried
I even sent in friends
They did it as a favor
'Cause I'm not that way
I am the autumn in the scarlet
I am the makeup on your eyes

I land to sail
Island sail
Yeah we're movin'
Yeah we're movin'
This island's sun I've laid a thousand times
Fortune me
Fortune me
Of all of my mistakes
I think I lent you late
Now every sent person
Seems to come my way
But I've never seen a starlet
Or a riot or the violence of you

I am the autumn in the scarlet
I am the makeup on your eyes

I land to sail
Island sail
Yeah we're movin'
Yeah, we're movin'...

current mood: reaching
Saturday, October 5th, 2013
10:04 pm - Like the sunshine....
meet me

current mood: forgetful
Friday, October 4th, 2013
12:34 am - Mojo Pin....
It's a song about a dream

Well i'm lying in my bed
The blanket is warm
This body will never be safe from harm
Still feel your hair, black ribbons of coal
Touch my skin to keep me whole

If only you'd come back to me
If you laid at my side
I wouldn't need no Mojo Pin to keep me satisfied

Don't wanna weep for you, I don't wanna know
I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow
The memories fire, the rhythms fall slow
Black beauty I love you so

Precious, precious silver and gold and pearls in oyster's flesh
Drop down we two to serve and pray to love
Born again from the rhythm screaming down from heaven
Ageless, ageless
I'm there in your arms

Don't wanna weep for you, I don't wanna know
I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow
The memories fire, the rhythms fall slow
Black beauty I love you so
So, so...

The welts of your scorn, my love, give me more
Send whips of opinion down my back, give me more
Well it's you I've waited my life to see
It's you I've searched so hard for...

Don't wanna weep for you, I don't wanna know
I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow
The memories fire, the rhythms fall slow
Black beauty I love you so
So, black black black black beauty...

current mood: without
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
10:41 pm - A civil war between heart and mind...
Words leave my heart dry
Words can't save life
Love has no place here
No joy, no tears

Darling, time's changed
Time leaves, time fades
Please see through my eyes
Save your tears for the next who dies

I shout but he don't hear
I put down on a page
Darling spare me your tears
Just send me the light of day

I shout but he don't hear
Just put down on the page
Darling spare me your tears
Dear God please send me the light of day

I can feel his
Heart wired
Heart like
Gunfire
Gunfire
Gunfire
Gunfire.

current mood: feverish
Tuesday, September 10th, 2013
12:50 am - Hunger hurts...
I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
Because I know that I'm a mess that he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are just too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving, it works, when it costs too much to love

current mood: hungry
Friday, September 6th, 2013
11:46 pm - Lose some, lose some.....
I make the same mistakes
Feels like I never learn
Always give way too much
For little in return

I haven't changed a bit
I'm still not over it
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...

I never did grow up
Feels like I never will
My friends are all adults
I'm still a teenage girl

I haven't changed a bit
I'm still not over it
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...

My friends are all a drag
They think I'm such a flake
They want to go to bed
I want to stay up late
Walking the streets alone
Thinking of you 'til dawn
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...

I make the same mistake
(I never did grow up)
Feels like I never learn
(Feels like I never will)
Always give way too much
(My friends are all adults)
For little in return
(I'm still a teenage girl)
I haven't changed a bit
I'm still not over it
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...

I make the same mistakes
(My friends are all a drag)
Feels like I never learn
(They think I'm such a flake)
Always give way too much
(They want to go to bed)
For little in return
(I want to stay up late)
I haven't change a bit
(Walking the streets 'til dawn)
I'm still not over it
(Thinking of you)
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...

current mood: mistaken
Thursday, August 22nd, 2013
12:55 am - I sent my love...
it was hard to love a man like you
goodbye was half the words you knew
while you was waiting for me not to call
i sent my love, i sent my love

in a life built out of only goodbyes
is there even room for you to try
while you was waiting for me not to call
i sent my love, i sent my love

it was hard to love a man like you
goodbye was just what you do
in a life built out of only goodbye
is there even room for you
is there even room for you

while you was waiting for me not to call
i sent my love, i sent my love

current mood: vacant
Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
10:57 pm - Fever Dream
I waited for you winterlong
You seemed to be where I belong
It's all illusion anyway

If things should ever turn out wrong
And all the love we have is gone
It won't be easy
On that day

Waiting to follow
Through the dream light of your way
Is not so easy for me now

After time has passed your way
Things we thought of yesterday
Come back now
Comeback now

Waiting to follow
Through the dream light of your way
Is not so easy for me now

After time has passed your way
Things we thought of yesterday
Come back now
Comeback now


I waited for you winterlong
You seemed to be where I belong

current mood: warm
Sunday, August 11th, 2013
2:47 am - Space Travel Is Boring
Up late watching the Perseids. It's my favorite annual meteor shower. Sometimes, I feel like I could lay under the stars forever. I wish I could float through them. Maybe someday I will....

Won herself a pass to some far off moon
It was second class but what's to lose
And looking out her window she could more than assume
That you can't see air or time
She's the only rocketeer in the whole damn place
They gave her a mirror so she could talk to a face
She still got plenty lonely but that's just the case
With time, time, time
Started hearing voices sometime in June
She knew she could go crazy but didn't think that soon
Now she doesn't feel lonely but she'd just as soon
Try, try, try try
Man shot to the moon
I read a paperback and I want to come home soon
I'm shot to the moon
Been there a half an hour, I want to come home soon

current mood: spaced
Thursday, November 25th, 2010
9:45 pm - Happy Birthday to me...
I turned 31 today. Come January, this thing will be 10 years old. I rarely ever update it, and when I do, it's never anything worth mentioning. I want to delete it because, what's the point anymore? On the other hand, I have a deep sentimental attachment to this thing, and there are times when I want to remember a time I had long forgotten. I have posts of my daughter growing up. Friends I've long ago lost contact with. Memories that no longer occur to me as often as they used to. Memories that I wish still did....

So for now, I'll keep her up. Maybe someday I'll go on an Eternal Sunshine kick & try to erase everything from memory. But that day won't be today.

Keep on keeping on. Hope your Thanksgiving was the best it could be.

current mood: blank
Friday, October 8th, 2010
11:23 am - It Don't Matter....
Sittin in traffic another day of feeling nothing
Trying to find something
I guess it's back to huffin'
Paint and model glue
oh how I die when I look
At you smilin' lovin' life
and all I know is blue
Rainy days and cold stares broken love affairs
Everything's beautiful
as long as I ain't there
I guess I wasn't meant to crack a smile
who cares
I think I'll go to sleep for a while now

I'm barely livin' in my skin
depression's my only friend
And I don't know where I am heading
tryin' to forget where I've been
And I'm so sick of lying
God please show me that silver lining
Cuz I've heard tale and I'm not well
my heads full of hell and
This world's a jail but

And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear
And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear

And as the pain begins to displace
had it to ear level
With this place
you see it on my face a state of suspended grace
Gradually I erase
and find comfort in the sickest womb
I might be present but not in the room
To whom it may consume
melting ensembles bleeding chellos running through Bordellos drama Like Othello hidin' out from Poncharello
Dead off in the Median
Fallin apart like usual handin' out flyers to my funeral

So they say that life's a play
and that all the world's a stage
Then for another part I pray
the show ends the same way everyday
And my heart carries the pain
of a brain I can't explain
Am I insane
Am I insane

And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear
And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear

And everything good is gone
And everything good is gone
And everything good is gone
And everything bad is here
And everything bad is here
And everything bad is here
It doesn't really matter now does it

And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bea
rAnd it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear

current mood: disappointed
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
2:31 am - Summertime....and the livin is easy
Its been forever, but I forgot I even had this thing.

Lets see, in the last month I've been dumped for a 20 yr old stripper, lost my dog, & had a bunch more crap happen. But... I've never been happier!

I won tickets to a movie & to a Tool concert in the same week. I need a ride/date to both, but still- MOTHERFUCKING TOOL!!!!

There's only 1 person I truly would love to have go with me, but I haven't spoken to him in years & he has no interest in speaking to me now, so oh well.

Anyway, Pandy's great. Going into 4th grade & is smart as anything! She amazes me in every way. John & Michelle have really done such an excellent job with her, and I love them all to death!

Shannon is moving away, and that makes me sad.

Brother is in the Navy. He's a seaman! HA!

AAAAAAAAAAaaaannndddd work still sucks. But I still go every day (5 years, baby!)

Life is happening whether I like it or not. I might as well enjoy the ride.....

current mood: optimistic
Thursday, January 10th, 2008
2:26 pm - I'm ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!
Yes people. I'm alive. I realize I haven't updated this thing in well over a year, but I've been distracted.

Things are well. Pandy is doing great (she just turned 7!!!). I still work at my suckass job. And, um, I'm still in Norman.

Yup. Thats' all I have to say after a year. Actually, i do have more to say, but no time to say it. So you'll just have to settle with what I've written. Tough Titties!

Ok. bye.

current mood: crushed
Saturday, October 7th, 2006
12:29 am - There's no way it can get any worse.....
.... And then the clouds opened up, and God said, "I hate you Kimberlee."








story of my freaking life.








too bad I'm too optimistic to give up. Even when there's nothing, at least there's hope, right?

Or is that just a way to deny the immediate pain and suffering in order to psych myself into believing that it'll get better soon... even if it won't?


damn late night thoughts. Damn LA Kings losing the game. Damn hope. And damn imagination that keeps the firm reality from completely sinking in, pushing me to continue to hold on and hold out for something better which might not ever come.


damn the inability to feel good without chemicals. And damn the morality that keeps those chemicals from entering my body.

damn it all.... I'm moving to Timbuktu.

current mood: degected
Friday, July 14th, 2006
3:00 pm - Not dead, but definitely dyin'.... with the rest of the clowns, yeah yeah.....
Time for a real, brief update before I go to work.

I lost my job at the restraunt. Why? Because I went in there in a bad mood for one day. ONE FUCKING DAY. I didn't close down the bar until late the night before....got to work the next morning to open. I wasn't happy. Plus, I had been up arguing with the guy I've sort of been seeing/fucking/dating/whatthefuckever it is we're doing and that didn't help matters any.

I still have no clue what's going on with us. As far as I know, I'm "his girl". Now, what "his girl" means, I have no clue. Apparently it means that I can't mess around with anyone else, or fall for anyone...I dunno. I honestly don't care. It'd just be nice to know what I CAN do so I can do it. But that's niether here nor there.

The point is, I have no car still. I'm only working at the bar now, so I have to go find another day job. I still have no place to call my own, and at this rate I never will. I hate my life sometimes.

Other than that, things have been mundane. And when I say mundane, it means that I haven't done anything that I would normally do- like raise all kinds of anonymous hell. No. Instead I've been trying to keep my mind from bursting into all different directions. I'm losing it.... I either can't sleep at all or I sleep too much. I can't organize my thoughts well enough to even beging to know what I'm attempting to think.... I can't even explain it.

But I'll survive.... things aren't bad. They're not great by any means, but they could be so much worse- so I'm grateful for the few and far between things that are actually going right in my life.....

I've been single for over a year. What the fuck is wrong with me?





it's all about the steady dip.

current mood: cynical
Sunday, July 9th, 2006
6:10 am - 13
Bad-luck wind been blowing on my back
I was born to bring trouble wherever i'm at
With a number 13 tatooed on my neck
That ink starts to itch
Black gon' turn to red
I was born in the soul of misery and I
Never had me a name
They just gave me a number
When I was young

Got a long line of heartache
I carry it well
List of lives I've broken
Reach from here to hell
And a bad-luck wind been blowin' on my back
Pray you don't look, and pray I don't look back
I was born in the soul of misery and I
Never had me a name
They just gave me a number
When I was young

Found me with a preacher man confessin' all I done
Catch me with the devil playing 21
And a bad-luck wind been blowin' on my back
I was born to
Bring trouble wherever i'm at
I was born in the soul of misery and I
Never had me a name
They just gave me a number
When i was young

current mood: crushed
Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
9:46 pm - Closer I am to fine.....
Happy 4th everyone.

This is the first 4th I've been without my daughter since she was born. It's not easy, and I'm bored out of my mind.... but it's good that she's spending time with her dad and co-mom. I miss her.

Tonight was uneventful. I worked. That's about it. I have 2 jobs now, by the way. Trying to get an apartment and my car fixed. Wish me luck that either one will happen soon.

Other than that, I'm still fairly single, still kickin.

Can't say that things are perfect, or even great... but they're going, and that's all that matters, right?

current mood: cranky
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
11:55 am - Find yourself a girl and settle down.....
Been watching the Stanley Cup. Badass. Go Oilers!!!


Tattoo is healing. Still looks bad ass. I need to get flames around it. I have a pic, but it's just a matter of posting it when I have more time. Sorry, I'll try sometime in the next few days.

Work is going great.

Dating life is.... eh. The same I guess.

And umm.... other than that, I don't guess I have anything really exciting to share.

Isn't life grand?

current mood: blah
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
6:31 pm - Not very many firsts left in my life.....
I got my first tattoo.

It's the symbol for Sagittarius. It's on the back of my neck. It's badass.



cuz that's how I roll.

current mood: crazy
Thursday, May 18th, 2006
3:26 pm - I've had some bad luck with the ladies before, but I think that my luck is improving....
Went and saw the Burtschi Brothers on Monday night. It was badass. Got Travis Linville's new cd Hometown Blues. It's badass as well.

Things have been going well. Work is awesome. It's busy as hell, but awesome. Been making a bangload of money. Unfortunately, as soon as I make it, it's gone. :( I need to get a new transmission. Damn bad luck with cars.

2 weeks 'till G-Love & Special Sauce!!!!!


Might go see Rob Zombie and Anthrax in July. Just gotta talk to my sugar mama to see if she'll hook me up with a ticket.

And.... other than that, I've just been keeping busy. Pandy is doing great. She's doing really well now that she's spending so much time with her dad and co-mom. She's really come out of her shell since they've been in her life. I think that she finally feels complete, and I couldn't be happier.

sooo.... that's it. I might be going to Arkansas this weekend. I'd like to see Cheri. I miss that hooker :(


Ok. That's it. I need to go shower now.

current mood: content
Monday, May 15th, 2006
6:15 pm - Take it like that........
Stuff is better. Going to see Travis Linville tonight with a friend of mine. Work is going great. And umm... my best friend has been stolen by a man.


But...on Saturday, Desi and I got in the hottub, got really drunk, and danced around (inside the hottub, mind you) singing "Girls" By Beastie Boys at the top of our lungs. My mom and dad think I'm insane.

Had a great mother's day. Watched a great Family Guy. Had a good weekend.


Oh yeah, and America (The Book) is one of the best books EVAR!



(p.s. Happy Birthday, you).

current mood: complacent
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
6:50 pm - A Quickie
Welp. I'm no longer seeing that guy, I suppose. Whatever. I won't cry about it. I got my job back. YAY!

Car is still dead.


That's what's new.

current mood: cranky
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
2:01 pm - That's how we roll.......
I have to get this out of the way first....


HAHAHahahahHAHAHAHAhahahahAHAHahAHAHaHhahahahah


ok.... that's better.

Car is still broken. Might get a job at the hospital. The guy I've been dating is my bitch. Angie is now known as "The Reciever" (I'm "The Giver"). Desi is now simply known as "#2". Things are weird, but fun and pretty ok. Might be going to Tulsa next weekend to hang out with a cool cat and watch a band play. I'm in love with Mike Hosty and Travis Linville- even more so now that I have some of their albums. Angie and I psycho-stalked a friend of hers. It was fun and he liked it. And ummm.... Jack Johnson is teh bom.



thankyouandgoodnight.


*The Giver*
Monday, May 1st, 2006
1:25 pm
This needs to be said. Now.

Don't fuck with me.

I've got the smalltown mafia on my side....I have several different friends in several different states.

Don't.Fuck.With.Me.


My dad has a gun. My mom has a gun. They're about to pass an extension of the "Make My Day" law- which will allow me to kill you in self defense if need be- anywhere. In the street, in a store, next to my car. I haven't let my guard down since that night, and I am in constant surveilance of my surroundings. I won't let you catch me by surprise anymore.


One last time.


DON'T.FUCK.WITH.ME.AGAIN.

current mood: annoyed
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